my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He kissed a someone with a penis
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
