nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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