Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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