my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
