I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
