you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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