come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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