ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
