she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
