I feel like abortions should bother me more
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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