dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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