A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
