She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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