I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
