I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
