I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
