Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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