and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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