white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
