This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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