you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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