He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
