He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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