i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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