Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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