the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
