if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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