Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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