This dress was meant to end up on your floor
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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