I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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