By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
