there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
