so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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