her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
