I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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