once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
