Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
