garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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