This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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