I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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