Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
