if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
