I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
