i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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