I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
