There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
