He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
