I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
