Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
