U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
