just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
