Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
