when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
