yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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