my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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