i jhust puked up my retainher.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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