I cannot find my penis.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Randomize
