exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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