I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
