the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
