Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
