I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
