he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
