i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
