She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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