if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
