good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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