My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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