Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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