Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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