I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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