it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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