Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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