are you still at the devil's house?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
