"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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