took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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