I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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