if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
