thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
