if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
