Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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