FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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