So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
