were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
